Banana Meets Yiga: An Interpretation
by AriTheDoggo
Summary: When the Calamity is sealed away by Princess Zelda, the members of the feared Yiga Clan flea, ironically enough, in fear. However, one Yiga remains loyal to his all-powerful master... with the help of one magical fruit, can he restore the Yiga to their previous glory? {} A series of one-shots detailing random Yiga shenanigans. Complete, 100% humor. Rated 20/10 by no reviewers.
1. Part Uno: Heckity Heck

**Pairings: Banana x Banana Ninja**

**Disclaimers: I don't own Legend of Zelda (be glad I don't). Also, overuse of the word heck.**

_**Banana Ninja Meets Banana: An Interpretation**_

_Shortly after the rise of the Calamity..._

"Those stupid fools," mumbled the man as he wandered along a dirt road, absently kicking rocks. "Just because the princess came in and sealed away the embodiment of death and destruction itself doesn't mean the Yiga are no more!"

The Yiga kicked more rocks, because why the heck not? "Great Calamity Ganon," he screamed at the sky. "Give me a sign that I should still follow you!  
The Yiga went for another rock kick, only to slip. His face met the dirt with an uncomfortable _crunch._

"What the heckity heck?" said the Yiga. "Why the heck did I hecking slip?" See, this Yiga was partial to the word "heck," and used it at every chance he could. He was, for some reason, under the impression that it sounded cool to overuse a word on a regular basis. Why, you might ask?

Because he was stupid.

The Yiga stood up and brushed off his _very_ stylish tights, looking around on the ground only to find…

"Gasp!" he exclaimed (no, seriously, he actually said 'Gasp.' I'm not kidding!). "It's a sign from the Calamity Ganon!" For there, on the ground, was a banana peel.

He plucked the banana peel from the ground and looked at the inside, only to see very messy handwriting saying: "Yo, my dude, G-Dog here! That princess ain't immortal, dog, we be chill, my man! She'll be dead in like, a month or a year or two or something!"

"The Calamity has spoken!" cried the Yiga. "Chaos and death will reign supreme!"

Using the sign given by the Mighty Banana Peel, the Yiga, also known as Master Kohga, managed to rally forces beyond what should be possible. To this day, they bow before and worship the Mighty Banana, eating them to gain the strength and power of the almighty Calamity Ganon, who communicated through them.

_To be continued?_

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**Yeah, yeah, I'm supposed to be working on _Before (the Better One) _and _Weapon_ and all that jazz. But you know what? FIGHT ME! THIS WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT! *cries***

**This is short because, one, I'm supposed to be writing an essay right now, two, I'm supposed to be studying for a chemistry test, and three, there wasn't a whole lot of effort put in. If people are actually interested in this, then this will be continued (with much more effort on my part, I assure you)... maybe chapters about Kohga rallying forces, or eating bananas, or things requested by the reviewers. If I do more, later chapters will probably include much more (like, multiple prompts or something. I DUNNO, THIS IS LIKE, MY SECOND HUMOR FIC EVER).**

**Review? Plz? My pupper will give free pupper kisses? Puppers are cute, yes?**

**Maybe Sincerely,**

**The Greatest Procrastinator, **

**Ari~**


	2. Part Dos: Dora the Explorer

**_Guest_: Oh, yes, Kogha is an incredibly idiotic idiot. XD Thank you!**

_**Part Dos: Dora the Explorer**_

"HELLO?!" Kohga screamed, birds from 368.25 miles (or kilometers, whatever floats your boat) away flying away with indignant squawks. "HELLO?!"

"Sir, is there any way I can assist you?" asked the stable master, wiping blood from his ears.

"Would you like to join my banana cult?" the man asked.

"What?" asked the stable manager, sounding incredibly confused.

"Let me put this in even _simpler_ terms," the Yiga man said. He pointed at himself. "_I_ am a _Yiga_," he said slowly as if explaining something to a two-year-old. He looked towards the fourth wall. "Can you say _Yiga_?"

From beyond the fourth wall, a child audience repeated "Yiga!" excitedly. Why exactly? This was _obviously_ a crossover episode with Dora the Explorer… or something. Duh.

Meanwhile, the stable manager was starting to question Kogha's sanity. "I am perfectly capable of properly pronouncing two-syllable terms of designation, thank you very much."

"Hey, alliteration!" said the Yiga, referring to the use of the letter 'p' in three words within close proximity. Kohga looked again towards the fourth wall. "Can you say _alliteration_?"

"Sir, I am not here for a lesson on pronunciation," the stable manager said (as the children repeated it back), exasperated. "What is it you are in need of?"

"Oh, yes," Kohga said. "The Yiga are quite simply a group of offshoots of the Sheikah, but of course, we're better. We even let anyone in! All you have to do is pledge allegiance to Calamity Ganon." He looked again towards the fourth wall. "Can you say 'Calamity Ganon?'"

"Can you give me a real reason I should join you?" the stable manager asked.

"We have free bananas! For life!"

There was a moment of silence.

"I'm in," said the stable manager.

"Heck yeah!" Kohga exclaimed.

"Hey, not in front of the kids!" gasped a six-year-old girl that appeared out of nowhere. "That's not mui bueno!"

"Where'd she come from?" the stable manager asked. "And what does 'mui bueno' mean?"

Kohga shrugged. "I don't hecking know. But for some reason heck is a bad word now, which is a load of crap."

"That's it," said the girl. She pulled a piece of paper out of her singing backpack. "The deal is off. _Crap_ is a bad word too!"

"Noooo! Contract!" cried the talking map.

"Goodbye, my love!" cried the piece of ripped up paper in a strangely feminine voice, screaming as the little girl ripped it viciously in two.

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**Omake (Extra):**

The author paused and looked back on her work. "...what the heck have I created?" she muttered. "This deserves to go into the fire with the rest of them. Honestly, what on earth does Dora the Explorer have to do with a cult of people that worship the embodiment of evil and destruction itself? Why did I even start writing these in the first place?"

Then the author recalled why she had begun this. "Ah, yes," she said to herself. "Procrastination."


	3. Part Tres: Chemistry Class

**HanVan: Randomness is one of the things I do best XD**

**the8horcrux: To be honest, I don't understand it either, so no judge XD. I will probably be doing an Urbosa one-shot soon! I love Urbosa, she's so freaking _cool_.**

_**Part Tres: Chemistry Class**_

Two Yiga were walking along a dirt road, both on their merry way to kill a guy.

"Murder is so much fun," one sang.

"It's not supposed to be fun, _Steve_," snapped the other. "It's _murder_."

"That's why it's fun. Duh- WHAT IN THE CALAMITY'S NAME IS THAT?!"

There, on the ground in front of them, was some sort of shiny gray rock.

The not-Steve Yiga picked it up, examining it with a critical eye. "Looks like sodium to me."

"What's a 'sodium?'"

"It's an alkali metal on the periodic table. Because of that, it only has one valance electron, making it highly reactive."

"Valance what now?"

"It _means_ that if you throw it in the right thing, it'll go boom boom."

"Ooooh!" Steve squealed. "I do like explosions, Gary!"

"Really? I never would've guessed." Gary rolled his eyes. "Maybe we can use this to kill the hero. I've heard he's so stupid he doesn't even know the difference between alkynes and alkanes."

"What and what?"

Gary shook his head. "Nevermind. Now, all we have to do is get the hero next to a source of dihydrogen monoxide…"

"What's _that_?"

"H20, you incompetent sniveling waste of oxygen. _Water_."

"Oooh, right. Why water?"

"If the sodium makes contact with the dihydrogen monoxide, the reactive electrons will rip apart the H20, releasing hydrogen and heat, which creates a combustive reaction."

"...So…?"

"It'll go boom if it goes in the water."

"Sweet! There's a pond right there!" Steve yanked the sodium out of Gary's hands and ran towards the pond.

"Wait, stop! If I didn't know any better, I'd say your percent composition was comprised solely of _idiotic_ _tendencies_!"

Gary chased after Steve, but tripped on a rock. He crashed into his fellow Yiga, and they both went tumbling into the water.

The explosion was immediate, sending both of them flying. When they sat up, Gary patted his ash-covered self.

"Oh my Calamity, how did we survive that fall?! We went 28.362 meters into the air! That reaction shouldn't have sent us that high in the first place! AND HOW DID WE SURVIVE THAT REACTION?!"

Steve smiled and pulled a banana out of his pocket. "The power of the banana saved us."

"Oh dear Calamity, what have I gotten myself into?"

**_Next time on Yiga Yiz the Science Wiz, we'll be learning about the properties of different polymers! Join us then for a comprehensive description of crude oil!_**

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Extra:

Author-san slammed her head against the table. "Chemistry has corrupted my literary work. Hylia _help_ me. Why did I even write this?"

She looked over at the long list of incomplete chemistry homework "Oh yeah…"

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**Chemistry is hard, okay? I mean, I really love learning about it, but having to do all of the work online SUCKS. I need to be in a work environment in order to do work, so procrastinating has been a thing. I've had enough time to learn some Japanese recently, so arigatou gozaimasu to all of you for reading this monstrosity.**

**Screw quarantine. I'm going absolutely _insane_.**

**Sincerely (more than ever),**

**Ari~**


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